how to help friends and betray monsters
by kotohiko
Summary: Frisk's problem, you think, was loving too much.


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* * *

Sometimes, you almost feel like your voice is back. You feel just solid enough, just corporeal enough to interact, to talk, to help. Help Frisk, of course. That's what you're here for, isn't it?

You walked with them when they were scared and small and lashed out and killed your mom (after they had called her _Mother_ , even, and it would have upset you if it weren't for the fact that you can't feel upset anymore).

You were with Frisk when they came back with smiles and hand shakes and silly poses; when they laughed and cried and helped and _saved_ , and you saw your brother again for the first time in God knew how long. And Frisk cried, and Asriel cried, and you would have cried if you could have. Asriel was always good at sharing; you wish he could have shared those souls. You wanted to feel. You wanted to do more than advise and guide and help. But you couldn't. It was Frisk's soul, not yours, that had brought you back. And you're grateful for it, for the most part. You like Frisk, you really do! They're a good kid. Not just nice, you think – truly, truly _good_. Much better than you were. Maybe even better than Asriel.

But Frisk's problem, you think, was loving too much. They loved helping people. They liked puzzles and problem-solving. Being faced with the monsters' imprisonment didn't bother them (by the second or third time) because it was a puzzle. A problem. But when they solved it, they couldn't help anyone anymore. They couldn't keep making Toriel proud (or so, you assume, that's what they thought); they couldn't help Mettaton, who'd made it big; they couldn't help Papyrus, who had finally gotten everything he wanted.

You think the kid enjoys the feeling of responsibility. You can respect that. You were both victims; you were both powerless. You're more than kindred spirits – you're kindred souls. After all, you know what kind of determination one has to have to live with the worst sorts of humans. You think Frisk's might have been worse than yours.

They don't talk about it, of course. Frisk rarely talks to you. It's almost always one word, if that.

"Stick?" they asked you when they first fell down.

 _Flowey_ had scared them, you think, but for some reason, your presence didn't faze them. Almost like they were expecting you, as ridiculous as that sounds. You huffed out a laugh and said, _"Its bark is worse than its bite."_

They giggled. And yeah, it was endearing. Frisk looked to only be a year or two younger than you, but they just felt so…small.

They _had_ felt so small.

Now, you've known them for…years, maybe. But it's the same set of days. They've done so many different things, and found out so many different secrets. At the beginning of this timeline, it almost felt like they had an…idea.

They killed the first Froggit. You've done the same, of course. You killed monsters when you were alive. But you didn't question Frisk. Your reasons were your own, and theirs are theirs.

Toriel saw it happen. She seemed to blink, and shake herself. Then she continued on. Her smile was more fixed, and her words quicker. But by the time you and Frisk arrived at Home, she was back to normal, and a butterscotch-cinnamon pie was on its way out of the oven. And Frisk had killed every single monster in the Ruins.

You were excited. You won't pretend like you weren't. Because Frisk knew what they were doing; they were gaining as much LV as possible. They wanted to see how strong they could get.

You could have helped them answer that question. But they never asked you.

In fact, despite the fact that you felt stronger than ever, they seemed to ignore you for the most part.

But at Home, you both noticed something at the same time. You looked in the mirror with your usual quip on your tongue (an excited "It's you!" that would usually make Frisk smile), but then you saw _yourself_. Your hair, your clothes, your face. So you said, _"It's me, Chara,"_ with a note of surprise in your voice.

You followed Frisk into the kitchen. You knew they wanted strength, so you guided them to the counter. You knew where Toriel kept the –

"Where are the knives," you said, and it came out flat and quiet, but that wasn't the point. The point was that you could _hear_ it. The air around your mouth vibrated and sound waves actually came out. Frisk noticed, but almost in a second-hand way. They looked at you with their perpetually unresponsive face, nodded slightly, and then looked away.

And it happened again at New Home. Apparently, Asgore had stopped buying your favorite food. But when you said, "No chocolate," your voice once again rang through the kitchen. You felt even stronger, being in your old house, and you made more comments than ever before that came out as _words_. And when Frisk's hand shook as they held the keys – one final moment of weakness for them – you moved their hands for them and _you_ unlocked the chain to Asgore's garden.

By this point, Frisk was much stronger than they ever had been before. You were proud of them, but proud in the way that a parent is proud when their child who had been bullied finally punched their tormentors. And to be fair, Frisk had been hurt by many of the monsters – including your dad. You don't think it was such an off-color comparison.

As Frisk walked around the New Home, the thing that had once been your brother followed them around. By this point, you were both sick of his shit. You knew the flower wasn't really your brother. Just like you weren't really the same person you were before you died.

Did you kill others before you died? Yes. But so did Asriel. He killed you. Or, you suppose, he helped you kill yourself. But really, where was the difference there?

Regardless, Frisk had no qualms about letting you become corporeal through them to freak the flower out. In fact, you think they found it rather funny. It was the second time that you moved for them.

This is the third.

Frisk has died and reset seventeen times. They're tired and annoyed, and frankly, so are you. Sans isn't _strong_. You've said as much every time that Frisk has looked to you for encouragement. It's unfair that he's able to be so power with such low LV. You had to do unspeakable things to become powerful; so did Frisk. And for that reason, you want him dead.

This is the third; when Sans gives up and calls an impossible stalemate; when Frisk waits, and waits, and waits, and then slowly sneaks up and swings the knife at him again. This is the third because you knew what would happen, and when Sans dodges, you take control and swing again.

 _Finally._

The flower kills your father. Asgore was his dad, too. _Flowey_ is a disgusting creature, and Frisk has finally allowed you full control. And you swing your dagger, the first real knife you owned, the item that killed weeds and Whimsuns, and it kills him.

And you are finally, finally real.

You know that Frisk will just reset again. Maybe they will bring back your brother again. But that wouldn't be fair to you. For the first time since you woke up, you're _real_. You're _strong_ again. Frisk got you to this point, yes, but they shouldn't be able to just rip this pseudo-life away from you again. You want to see your family again; you want them to go back; but most of all, you want to want things with a heart, and not with a head.

And when they turn that small, young face towards yours, you stand your ground.

And you ask for their soul. They agree; of course they do. They always want to go back. Maybe this time will be the last, or maybe not. But you won't care because you'll finally have what you've been missing.

When Frisk gives you their soul, it feels familiar. Of course it does. You had the same soul color, and by this point, you think you know Frisk better than anyone.

It doesn't make you feel the same way Asriel does (after Frisk resets and saves him one final time). It doesn't make you miss or feel or cry. But, you think that maybe, eventually, it could. As long as Frisk is willing to share a little bit more than their soul, at least.


End file.
